“Signs that your baby loves you”…

Received another one of those baby company emails… today’s words of wisdom – “Signs That Your Baby Loves You”.

1. Baby stares into your eyes.
I’m not sure this is love so much as biological hard wiring. Babies are programmed to look cute and stare into your eyes, especially from a distance of about 30 cm or so (which coincidentally is the distance when breastfeeding). Otherwise why would you hang onto something that is demanding 24/7 with crying, pooping, weeing, spewing, and the occasional pestilence.

2. Baby recognises your smell.
Again, not so much love as survival. Baby has to recognise your smell so he can find you and feed. Otherwise he’d be latching on to some random’s boob, which would be awkward.

3. Baby smiles at you.
Seriously… who knows what is smile, and what is gas (especially in the early days)? Many a time my husband and I cooed over our boy when he ‘smiled’ at us, only for him to present us with a volley of farts, followed through with a great big steamer.   This is more survival stuff… Baby smiles, therefore looks cute, thereby making you less likely to get rid of him.

4. Baby talks to you.
Our boy does talk to us, but he seems to have his most meaningful, in-depth discussions with rubber ducky… I guess that means that he loves rubber ducky more, which as parents, we just find really hurtful.

You and me Ducky... We really understand each other...

Oh Ducky, you always sit quietly and listen. You, like, totally get me…

5. Baby wants you around.
Of course he does. If someone fed me, dressed me, bathed me, removed my soiled diapers, and just adored me in general, I’d want them around too. Maybe I should just employ someone…

6. Baby shares your interests (like ‘doing the dirty laundry’).
First of all, I find it vaguely insulting that (apparently) my interests now include DIRTY LAUNDRY. Let’s be really clear about ‘interest’ vs ‘necessity-to-avoid-being-really-stinky’.  Secondly, baby doesn’t have a choice… It’s not like he’s going to say “Hey Mum, while you do the laundry… I’m just going out to catch the latest movie with baby Cedric down the road, oh, and I’m taking the car keys”.

We don’t need the points above… We know our kid loves us… After all, it’s our first gig as parents and he hasn’t left yet. 🙂

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