Ha! You thought I was referring to THAT… dirty mind.
Husband and I have had a major disagreement… Let me explain and you can judge who’s right.
WARNING: there is some mention of poo in this post. If this is an issue for you, don’t read on. I only know this is an issue for some people because my brother-in-law told us once “that just because parents talk about poo doesn’t mean other people have to…”
Our boy, while pint-sized, repeatedly shows us how manly he is by doing man-sized poos which are really stinky*
* In fact, he is so stinky that every time he does a fart or poo we WITHOUT FAIL reference the greatest movie of all time, Top Gun, with “Slider… You stink” †
† If you don’t know what I’m talking about, STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW and watch Top Gun#
# Unless you are a heart surgeon
We have a strict policy of “whoever smells it, cleans it”.
This unfortunately leaves me to do most of the nappies because:
1. “They say” women have a keener sense of smell compared with men;
2. Despite the almost-need for a gas mask, my husband claims he can’t smell anything. Liar.
- Our son does his usual massive man-sized poo;
- I remove the biohazard-nappy, and clean the bum bum;
- The boy is left free-ballin’ on the bed as I ask (order) my husband to watch him while I go to get a clean nappy…
While I’m in the other room, I hear profanity, which I assume is from my husband and not from my 9-month-old… (although I guess he might have picked it up from daycare…):
- Me (from the other room): “What’s going on?!”
- Husband: “You shouldn’t let him play on the bed with no nappy!”
- Me (still in the other room): “He should be fine. He just did a big poo.”
- Husband (volume escalating): “Well, you’d better get back in here because YOUR SON just shat on the bed!”
(When our kid does something wonderful, it’s “our son”. When he does something bad, it’s “your son”.)
- So I come back into the room to see that OUR son has indeed shat on the bed. Well done son.
- We clean up the mess and continue with our evening.
Later on after our boy is asleep and we’re getting ready to crash ourselves, my husband starts giggling (in a most manly fashion of course).
- Me: “What’s so funny?”
- Husband: (giggles)
- Me: (gives him the don’t-f*ck-with-me-I-am-your-wife-stare) “What?”
- Husband: (continues giggling)
- Me (shouting unnecessarily loudly): “WHAT IS SO FUNNY?”
- Husband: “Well, before when Max had his pants off, and he shat on the bed” (mischievous pause) “I was tickling him.”
Which brings me to our disagreement:
- My husband believes that our boy would have shat on the bed regardless, due to his pant-less condition;
- I believe (and of course I am right) that the tickling caused the shitting.
I am now on a mission to find scientific proof to back my argument…